September 1997

CHARACTER COUNTS! IN NEBRASKA

For the past several months, you've been reading about CHARACTER COUNTS! and the six pillars of character. This month, you will learn about how Nebraska communities are using CHARACTER COUNTS!

The CHARACTER COUNTS! curriculum is available through the Cooperative Extension office in all of Nebraska's 93 counties. Staff are ready and willing to help implement the program in your community.

Additional trainings have been held across the state for teachers, business leaders, youth-serving organizations, community leaders, 4-H volunteers and youth. These are just a few of the examples of how CHARACTER COUNTS! is being used in communities across the state:

Beatrice

In Beatrice, representatives from schools, church groups, state agencies, the Foster Grandparent Program, Head Start and the Educational Service Unit formed a CHARACTER COUNTS! coalition. This coalition declared CHARACTER COUNTS! Day on May 9, and had a community celebration emphasizing the six pillars of character.

The Beatrice Early Morning Kiwanis Club provided funding for special "resource boxes" containing a book and activities for each pillar. Kiwanis members used these boxes in working with elementary students in the community.

York

York's Middle School starts each day with 18 minutes focusing on one of the pillars of character. For their final project, students made May baskets for the staff at York General Hospital, incorporating the "Caring" pillar.

Chappell

All students at Chappell's Elementary School took part in a semester-long study of character education where they focused on a different pillar every month. At the end of the year, a community-wide celebration of character was held, where parents, community members and business representatives took part in presentations on each pillar given by the students. Awards were given to students who had best represented each pillar throughout various activities.

Curtis

The Distance Learning Network was used to train 92 teachers from 12 schools in Southwest Nebraska. This Network linked seven different sites through interactive technology.

Grand Island

Participants in the Multicultural Youth Leadership Program at Walnut Junior High are teaching the pillars of character to younger students in the "Almost Home" after-school program.

Wayne, Dakota, Dixon & Thurston Counties

These counties used CHARACTER COUNTS! as the focus of Camp Counselor Training. Potential camp counselors learned about the six pillars of character and applied that information to how they would work with youth in a camp setting. These counselors reached over 75 different 8- to 12-year-old campers throughout the summer.

To learn more about what is happening with CHARACTER COUNTS! across Nebraska, visit the 4-H home page at the sight below.

http://www.ianr.unl.edu/ianr/4h/

Character Counts Logo
Character Counts! is a service mark of the Josephson Institute of Ethics.


COMMUNICATION DOORS AND WINDOWS

When we work with adolescents, we can so easily shut off communication, or close the door to good communication with them. Adolescents face many challenges. Their new-found abstract thinking, the complex world around them, the pressures of making some of the most important decisions of their lives, the challenges of their social world, all contribute to a new sensitivity in them that parents often notice.

There are several things that close the door to good communication. One of them is giving solutions for their problems. Of course we do want to offer good advice for our children, but on many issues, we can best help them by encouraging them to find their own solution. Adolescents will often resist advice, even the best-intentioned advice. Instead of "I think you should...," we will open the window if we say, "What do you think would work?"

Another door closer is warnings. "You'd better be there on time, or else." When parents feel inclined to issue a warning, they can turn it around and make it a positive statement. "I know you'll be there on time. You are very dependable."

Put-downs are a big door closer. They sound like: "You'll never be able to hold down a job," or "Why do you always do such stupid things?" Instead, parents can say, "Do you think that is a wise choice?" Amazingly, they will probably hear, "No, Mom. It wasn't a good thing to do. I goofed."

Another door closer is buttering up. Most caring parents do this, and offering your child praise is a good thing, but praise offered at the wrong time can lead to anger or a door shut on communication. Daughter did not get a part that she wanted in the play. Mom, feeling bad for her, said, "Well, you would have looked so pretty up there on the stage. I can't imagine why they didn't give the part to you." And daughter responds, "Oh, Mom! Like that helps any!" and turns her back on you.

What's a parent to do? Open a window. Windows on communication open the way for the teen to talk to us. In the situation above, what if mother said, instead, "That's really a big disappointment, isn't it?" Identify their feelings, and daughter or son can open up and tell you all about the disappointment. We close a door when we say "Don't cry." We open a window when we say, "It hurts, doesn't it." Why tell them not to cry? Crying releases pent-up emotions and helps them cope.

Passing judgment on what they say or what you think they are going to say is also a door closer. A son approached his dad with a statement about a family value and the parent found this upsetting. But instead of passing judgment on his son's question, the father said "Tell me more about what you are thinking," and they had a wonderful discussion, each learning from the other.

One of the biggest things we can do to get teens to talk to us, is to stop talking ourselves. We're not likely to hear much if we do all the talking. Simple questions work wonders. Window openers include "Tell me more, I see, and Um." Open a window, don't close a door.

Written by Myrna DuBois, Extension Educator
Elkhorn Valley EPU, Stanton County