November 1996
Who Says No?
I recently received a letter from a tobacco addicted
person exploring how she first became a smoker.
Among other things, she says, "Our doctor never told
me not to smoke and my parents never told me not to
smoke." What a pity.Evidence shows that parents
can greatly reduce the proportion of young people
who use tobacco by telling their children clearly and
consistently that they don't want them to use tobacco.
Over the years, studies showed that even parents who
use tobacco can reduce the likelihood their children
will use tobacco by speaking out against using tobacco
compared to not saying anything or being unclear
about the issue.
Here are some points for making a clear and
consistent message to your children regarding tobacco
use - regardless of whether you use tobacco yourself.
- Use the word "I" and "we." For example, "I (We) don't want you to use tobacco products."
- Be prepared to answer the "Why?" question. It's not enough any more to say "Because it's
bad for your health." Young people already know that. Even tobacco users know it.
Learn about the specific effects of tobacco that are important to young people; for example,
wrinkled skin, smell, discolored teeth, cost, dangers to unborn children. Some of the
health problems from tobacco use happen right away.
- Stay with the message, even if your children start to use tobacco. Don't accept the idea
that by telling somebody not to do something, you encourage them to do it. Around middle
school time, some children try tobacco out of curiosity or rebellion. In the long haul, parents
who continue to express their wishes that their child not use tobacco will have a higher chance
that their child will ultimately decide not to use tobacco than parents who say nothing or little
of significance about this issue.
- Don't be dictatorial. Express your personal wish for your child not to use tobacco and be
willing to discuss the issue. Be emphatic but kind. Do not waver in your message. It is
your wish that they do not use tobacco.
- Use yourself as an example. Talk to them about things like how you didn't think it would
be difficult to quit but it was, how it has affected your health, when you came to the
realization that you were addicted, how you were able to resist the pressures to start using
tobacco, how you wished you had done things differently.
- Help young people resist pressures by thinking how you could be a better role model. For
example, the last time someone pressured you to do something you didn't want to do, did you
know how to gracefully refuse without hurting the other person's feelings? Managing peer
pressure is not a problem only for adolescents.
It is important what you say, and that you say it clearly and consistently over time. Even if you use
tobacco, it is possible to overcome your own mistakes with a clear, consistent, and personal message to your
children.
Ian M. Newman, Ph.D.
UNL Health Education
Young People Need Caring Adults
Young people need caring, principled adults in their lives who support them, encourage them and guide
them. They need places to be--home, school, neighborhood, congregation, work--that are accepting, affirming,
and safe.
Peter L. Benson, Ph.D., Search Institute
As parents, we often worry about the increasing problems of our youth at younger and younger ages.
We read stories in our community papers about violence, school failure, substance abuse, eating
disorders and suicide. Our friends and family are sometimes touched with these issues. How can we
help? What can we do?
There are specific, practical things you can do as a parent, employer, community leader or youth
volunteer that can make a tremendous difference in the lives of the young people you come in contact with.
The Search Institute has surveyed 273,000 kids in small and large communities across the country. They
analyzed the information from the surveys and discovered that the difference between troubled teens
and those leading healthy, productive lives was strongly affected by the presence of what they termed
developmental assets. These assets are resources to building blocks for human development. They
increase over time. They are cumulative, the more a young person has to draw from the better. The assets
are divided into 16 external assets or things that support, nurture, set boundaries or structure time use
and 14 internal assets which include personal attitudes, values, competencies and skills.
Although youth should have at least 25 assets, the average youth has only 16 assets. Young people that
have 20-25 assets are much less likely to get involved in alcohol use, early sexual experiences, school failure,
depression, suicide and antisocial behavior or violence.
The idea is not complicated and it doesn't cost a lot of money to build assets.
External Assets
- Family support and love
- Parent as social resource for advice
- Parent frequent in-depth communication
- Other adults as social resources for advice
- Other adult in-depth communication
- Parent involved in youth school success
- Positive, caring school climate
- Parental standards for appropriate conduct
- Parental discipline when rules are violated
- Parents monitor - friends and activities
- Time at home - four or more nights a week
- Positive peer influence - responsible friends
- Music - three or more hours a week
- School activities - one or more hours a week
- Community activities - one or more hours
- Church/Synagogue - one or more hours
Internal Assets
- Achievement - motivated to do well- school
- Educational Aspiration - post high school
- School performance is above average
- Homework - six or more hours per week
- Values helping people
- Concerned for helping reduce world hunger
- Cares about peoples' feelings
- Values sexual restraint
- Assertive - stands up for what they believe
- Decision-making skills are good
- Friendship making skills
- Planning skills - plans ahead
- High Self-esteem
- Positive view of personal future - optimistic
Source: What Kids Need to Succeed, Peter L. Benson, Judy Galbraith, and P. Espeland, Search Institute, Minneapolis MN
1995.
Written by Susan Williams, Extension Educator
Metro EPU, Saunders County