Is all of this time spent with peers good or bad for adolescents? Generally, the time that adolescents spend with peers is very important to their overall development. Peers play a crucial role in helping each other develop and define who they are as individuals. They provide role models and feedback that youth cannot get from adults. Among their peers, youth are able to try on different roles, personalities, and identities, and practice their decision-making skills.
Peers have significant influence on day-to-day values - attitudes and behaviors relating to school, and tastes in clothing and music. Peers also play a central role in the development of sexual identities and the formation of intimate friendships and romantic relationships. The influence of peers is therefore normal, expected, and healthy for most youth. There are exceptions of course; when teenagers trade the influence of parents for the influence of their peers, they are not developing healthy autonomy, but are simply shifting their dependence from the family to the peer group. This highlights why the development of autonomy at home is so important; if youth learn skills for independent thinking, decision-making, and problem-solving from their parents and other caring adults, they will be able to apply these skills within the peer network. Youth who remain overly dependent on parents are at risk for becoming dependent on the peer group as well.
It is important for adults to avoid thinking of peers as competing for influence in adolescents' lives. At a time with relationships within the family are changing, peers do play an important role in the lives of teenagers. However, rather than viewing them as a threat to the family or to the parents' influence, adults can view peers as providing new opportunities for necessary and healthy development of adolescent activities and behavior.
The basic need of every human being is to belong. A baby could not survive without others to depend upon. Out of the need to belong, each of us develops the goal of seeking contact -- physical or emotional -- with other human beings. For an infant, the need to be held is actually critical to its survival. Later, contact with parents and family helps the growing child develop a sense of belonging. The self-esteem and courage that grow out of these relationships make it possible for the child to have positive contact outside the family.
Because the process of child development is a gradual move from the infant's total dependence on the parent towards the independence of the young adult, an interesting transition occurs during the teen years. Friends suddenly become more important than ever before. This is tough for many parents to accept. Certainly there is room for family activities in this process, but we need to understand that acceptance by peers is now more critical in some areas than acceptance by parents.
Many adults remind, nag, coax, complain, give mini-lectures, scold, and otherwise stay in contact with the teen. This attention, added to the attention that misbehavior gets from the peer group, tends to reinforce in some teens a mistaken idea - that misbehavior is how they can best get attention, and therefore belong. In the case of undue attention seeking, good discipline is either a brief confrontation through an "I" message (see below) or communicating a realistic and logical consequence for further behavior.
Adults should actively encourage positive approaches to the many new situations youth face. Adults help teens achieve the recognition and contact that they want by playing a useful role. Parents, teachers, neighbors, and extended family who are open and available to the youth in their lives can be the best resources for their development.
One way to help adolescents shift from negative to more positive behavior is for adults to do the unexpected. Break the pattern that the family or classroom has come to expect. Change the regular schedule or do something spontaneous. This will focus attention you and your actions rather than the problematic behavior.
Brown, B.B. 1990. "Peer Groups and Peer Cultures", in Feldman & Elliott (Eds.), At the Threshold: The Developing Adolescent.
Goddard, H. Wallace, Principles of Parenting: Building A Strong Bridge Between You and Your Children, Auburn University Publication. <http://www.humsci.auburn.edu/parent/communication/index.html>
Popkin (1990) Active Parenting Of Teens: Parent's Guide.
Steinberg (1996) Adolescence. 4th Edition.
This Back Page was contributed by Sheryl Carson, Extension Educator, Sheridan County, Nebraska.
