July 1995

We all know what keeps the rabbit going. He's mechanical, so it's a simple matter of putting in a new battery when he runs down. But we're human. Where is our battery and how do we charge it? As human beings, our self-esteem serves as our battery...and for us to function well, it needs to be recharged on a daily basis.

Adolescents often have very fragile batteries. In the hurry, scurry, high tech, overly critical world we live in, their batteries need constant recharging. As parents, we can help our youngsters by giving them daily booster shots to build their self-esteem.

As parents, we give our children booster shots by focusing on the positive things they have done instead of noticing only the negative. In many situations with children we tend to apply the 20 percent/80 percent philosophy. We spend 80 percent of our time and energy focusing on the 20 percent of any situation that seems negative. We then lose sight of the 80 percent that is positive. Stop and think of all the neat things your child is doing before you get after him/her for what they aren't doing. Praise and criticism should be given in the ratio of 5-to-1. Five parts praise to one part criticism.

Parents can provide booster shots by acknowledging their children's feelings. Mad is not bad. When children are mad they are expressing the helplessness they feel. They may feel wronged or out of control. Their feelings are legitimate. They have a right to be angry. After acknowledging those feelings, help your youngster to express anger in a way that is socially acceptable and is not physically threatening to themself or others around them.

Teach your adolescent the value of the emotional shrug as a way of saying to themselves "I'm human. It's O.K. to make a mistake. I made a mistake because I'm human and not because I'm a bad person or dumb."

As parents we need to feel that the role we play is important. The best way to inspire self-esteem in children is to have it in ourselves. As we all know, children are far more impressed by what they see, hear and experience in the home than by any lectures they hear.

In our society, we encourage parents of new babies to have their children immunized against diseases that could affect them. It's just as important that we provide our children with psychological booster shots that help to immunize them against attacks on their self-esteem and emotional health. For in our busy world today, those are the things that will help to keep them going, and going, and going.

Kay McKinzie
Extension 4-H Specialist

Although risk-taking sounds dangerous, it is a normal part of growing up for young adolescents. The trick is to help them avoid the dangerous ones.

Auditioning for the class play, venturing a "hello" to a new student, and cooking the family dinner are situations where young teens take risks. These risks can help them grow, feel good about themselves, help others, and begin to feel safe and competent in their world.

However, young teens lack the experience and skills to exercise sound judgement in every situation. They are very susceptible to peer pressure, adult role models, and media messages. This vulnerability can lead to dangerous and even life-threatening situations.

Although there is no foolproof way to protect young teens from dangerous risk-taking, adults can help.

First, understand the normal changes children go through. It is normal for teens to try to meet their needs through risk-taking behavior.

Second, strike an appropriate balance between freedom and clear limits. Young teens are seeking and sometimes demanding increased autonomy. At the same time, they look to adults to tell them when enough is enough. If you, as a responsible adult, feel that an activity is too risky, say "no."

Third, support young teens in taking positive risks. Encourage them and become involved by doing things like helping them practice lines for the play tryouts, going canoeing together, and discussing how difficult it can be to stand up for what you believe.

Fourth, help young teens get the facts about the risks involved in certain behaviors. As a parent, you must be well informed. Read reliable material on topics such as teen pregnancy, suicide, accidents, and alcohol, tobacco, and drug abuse. If they question your stand on risk-taking behavior, you can back up your statements with reliable sources.

Fifth, be able to distinguish normal activity from serious trouble. The frequency of abnormal behavior and drastic changes in behavior patterns often separate normal teen development from disturbed behavior.

What makes a family strong? Family Specialists have identified a variety of traits that healthy families have in common. Here are two of them.

1. Good Communication Skills.

In strong families all lines of communication are open. Members of strong families put forth the effort to hear what the other person says and feels. They are also comfortable voicing opinions of their own. They do not always agree. They do, however, get everything out in the open and learn good conflict management skills.

2. Spiritual Strength.

Healthy families live by the golden rule, treating others as they would have others treat them. Most strong families read inspirational books and value activities such as praying and meditating. They share values and feel a guiding force in their lives