What is the first thing that comes to mind when we think of the word "adolescence"? For many of us, family turmoil and rebellion are nearly synonymous with "adolescence". Traditional perspectives on the adolescent years held that detachment from parents was a normal part of growing up, and that family conflict was an almost inevitable part of the teenage years. In a recent study by the Search Institute, half of the family support workers surveyed think that adolescence is usually a period of rebellion. However, research on children and families finds over and over that most families stay close during the teenage years. Often there are more arguments between parents and adolescents at this time, but this does not necessarily dampen parent/child closeness. In fact, one study found that 19 year old college students were as close to their parents as a group of 4th graders!
Rather than a process of detachment, then, most families experience a transformation in family relationships as adolescents develop their sense of personal emotional autonomy. During this time, teenagers begin to see their parents as human, and take more and more responsibility for their own choices and actions. This often causes conflict between parents and adolescents, but does not usually lead to troubled relationships.
How can adults encourage emotional autonomy, and avoid turmoil? It is important to have clear rules, but for adults and adolescents to be open to discuss them, and possibly revise them together. If adults are flexible, adolescents will be more likely to turn to them for advice and guidance. As children grow up and are faced with new opportunities and responsibilities, open discussion about family or school rules and values will enable rules to be adjusted to meet adolescents' changing needs. At a time when youth want and need to learn to manage their own lives, they need guidance and support from an open and supportive family and community. They also need to feel that they themselves are a guiding force in their own lives.
EVENT - This is the problem - or opportunity - that life poses. It might be a failed test, a traffic ticket, or a place on the cheerleading squad. Positive and negative events are emotionally charged; often various feelings are experienced.
THINK - Depending on the teen, her thoughts determine how an event is perceived, such as: "I'm a failure" at one extreme, or "I guess I blew this, let's see how I can improve". The way the event is perceived shapes the adolescent's feelings about herself.
FEEL - Feelings are natural - teens should be encouraged to express their emotions in a healthy way. In the face of disappointment, some teens have the courage to accept their emotions and go on with the future. However, others may become depressed and discouraged. or them, adults can help by presenting alternative ways to view the situation, such as: "It is frustrating, but I bet you'll do better next time after learning from this experience".
DO - If a teen is discouraged, she might give up all together. If a teen is in the success cycle shown here, she will learn from the event and do something that will create a positive outlook for future experiences.
Sources:
Hunter & Youniss (1982) Developmental Psychology.18:806-811.
Popkin (1990) Active Parenting of Teens: Parents Guide.
Search Institute (Feb. 1997) Source. 13(1).
Steinberg (1996) Adolescence. 4th Edition.
This Back Page was contributed by Anita Hall, Extension Educator, Antelope County, Nebraska.
