April 1996

Accountability

Responsible people have a sense of duty. They keep their commitments. An accountable person takes the blame when it is due and doesn't claim the credit for others' work.

Accountable people consider the consequences ahead of time. They accept personal responsibility for their actions and lack of actions. They lead by example.

Self-Restraint

Responsibility includes being able to wait for rewards. People who are responsible think about what they are going to say or do before they say or do it. They don't have a "win-at-all-cost" attitude. Instead, they think about their actions and make sure what they say and do is ethical.

Pursuit of Excellence

Responsible people are always trying to improve. They know it's okay to make mistakes, but always try to do their best to be reliable, careful, prepared and informed. Responsible people do the best job possible with the resources they have. They finish what they start and are continuously looking for ways to do things better. Responsible people know they need to put in a full day's work for a full day's pay.

Ways to Teach Responsibility

While responsibility is a trait that builds over time, we need to help adolescents understand the importance of responsibility and the consequences of not being responsible. One way to do this is to role-play. For example, ask your teenager how would they feel if their coach came late to the big game or didn't know what plays they were going to use? What if their boss decided to spend the money they earned on a trip to the Bahamas instead of paying them? What if the owner of the grocery store decided not to open the store at the same time every day, but whenever they "felt" like it? By helping adolescents talk through scenarios like this and put themselves in someone else's shoes, they can better understand the importance of exercising responsibility in their own lives.

People who are responsible are the people we like to be with the most. Be it a family member who does their share around the house, a friend who isn't late when picking you up for a basketball game or a co-worker who does the best work they can--responsibility is a key to getting along with others and to respecting ourselves. While being responsible may not always be easy helping teenagers understand what responsibility means and what they can do to be more responsible will make the task easier.

Source: Exercising Character, a publication of the Josephson Institute of Ethics, 1995.

Kathleen Lodl, Extension Specialist 4-H
UNL 4-H Youth Development

* Resist giving advice.
Most teens want us there when they want to talk - but on their terms. The best way to help is to keep the talk going by asking questions that focus on action. Examples might include, "What did she/he say?" and "What did you say then?"

* Encourage your teen to talk to grownups that he/she admires.
Occasionally, young people may find it easier to talk to someone outside of the family. Family friends can often present an unbiased perspective on a problem.

* Sometimes, speak your own mind.
It is important children know and understand the importance of your values. One way of doing that is to simply tell them what you think.

Encourage children to make appropriate choices that keep them safe, while supporting the values that we value in a world that offers a variety of challenges. Parents who have worked through problem solving with their teens help them to feel confident that the decisions they make are going to be appropriate.

Source: Andrea Thompson, "Good Decisions," Working Mother, September, 1994.

The process of working with teens is demanding and exhausting. It requires heart, intelligence and stamina.

Be as kind to ourselves as we are to our children.

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish,How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, 1982.

The Choice is Yours, Bonnie M. Parsley, Simon & Schuster, 1992.

Written by Sally Ebmeier, Extension Educator
Eastern Niobrara EPU, Cedar County